


Escorts to a Show

by Sanaderion



Series: Hotcakes on a Frying Pangle [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol, Austria thinks that he is the only sane man but thinks Canada is sweet, BDSM, Costume Kink, DInner and a show, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, F/M, France and England are meddling parents, Headcanon, I reference other smut, Implied Relationships, M/M, Multi, Packing, Polyamory Negotiations, Slow Build, canada in a kilt, canada likes austria more than he thought, cold war angst, her job is to be overprotective and leave, hungary is trying to be patient, i am not sure how steamy this is going to get, no really Dublin is here for a plot point, other people's original characters, prussia asks embarrassing questions, this is why I write under a pseudonym
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:52:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7941955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanaderion/pseuds/Sanaderion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Prussia was interested in Canada, but has a long history with Austria and Hungary? They dress up too. Mix of human and country names.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cold Open in a Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew is nervous.

"And then Ireland says, 'If Poland wants a, like, totally fab step dancing dress, he can take up Irish step dancing." Matthew ends with a little giggle at the story. 

Roderich tilts his head. "He would, too."

Liz looks at Roderich. "You think Tolys would join him for lessons?"

Matthew looks at Roderich and Liz from the front seat. He is snug next to Gilbert, but fidgets at times. He is getting used to wearing a kilt. "My uncle Bréanainn would actually be all right with enrolling them in a class." He shrugs. 

Matthew looks at Gilbert, driving the car. _It was a nice change to not be interrupted or ignored_ , he thinks, but now he is not sure what to say next. He is afraid that he will say something silly, like he wishes he didn't follow Uncle Alastair's advice, or that he really wants to touch that velvet coat Roderich is wearing. Or that he wishes that he could see Gilbert's outfit better. Or maybe Liz's outfit. He thinks about how differently their suits would fit them. He decides to think of something less exciting than _that_.

Gilbert looks at and smiles at Matthew. "I remember when people called him Brendan." 

Matthew smiles back. "Some of them do. He has paperwork that can be 'Brendan O'Connor', 'Brendan Kirkland', and all that."

"I know something about anglicized names," Liz says with a chuckle. "People cannot decide if I am Elizabeta or Elizaveta. I tell people to call me Liz, just so that I can get it over with."

"It is really a shame," Roderich says with a sigh. "I think that you have a beautiful name, no matter how it is spelled." Matthew can see Roderich glance fondly at Liz, then glance at Matthew.

Roderich leans up to Matthew. "If you are wondering," Roderich whispers, "you can touch my coat"."

"Uh, thank you, Mister Austria, I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I will tell you if I feel uncomfortable. I am sure that you are the sort who will not discomfort me." Matthew wishes that he could ask Roderich to read out loud in that medium-to-high voice. Like a grocery list or something. 

Roderich places his arm on the front seat headrest. Matthew brushes his fingers against Roderich's left arm. He likes how the velvet feels against his fingerpads. He wonders if Roderich's skin would feel that soft, too.

With that, he folds his hands and tries to look out the window. _Maybe the broadwalk will keep me from tenting in my new kilt_ , Matthew hopes. _I don't think that I want to embarrass myself in front of my sort-of-boyfriend's friends, lovers, or whatever. Kinda weird that I am starting to understand what Gil sees in them._


	2. Scottish Traditional: "Yer Mum's Lipstick"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backstory: How Matthew got his kilt, how he met Gil in person, and a bit about his uncles, the Republic of Ireland and Scotland.

Uncle Bréanainn was how Matthew got a date with Gil. Matthew usually saw Bréanainn, or Brendan as Dad called him, when it was about Irish-Canadians or international peace keeping. This time, Uncle Bréanainn wants to give Matthew a late Canada Day present.

Arthur may have had a tumultuous relationship with his brothers, but he was careful about what he said about Bréanainn. Maybe it was the Good Friday Agreement, or just wanting to stay out of Canada's way. When Matthew called to tell him about his trip to Dublin, Arthur said, "I hear that it is not raining too much." He offered no other comment.

Francis does not talk about Arthur's side of the family, though he did know Ireland and Scotland. Gossip said that Scotland and France dated a few times. France did help Ireland when he was fighting with England. Canada knows not to ask Papa. For all his public flirting, Francis rarely talked about lovers to his children, past or present. Matthew has thought of asking Antonio, though. 

What Francis will talk about with his son is the Francophone nations. Sometimes, he worries about that rebellious chef Bretagne insisting on calling herself Breizh, and such. Canada wonders when he will tell Papa that he learned Breton from Breizh (among other things).

He walked into a lobby, and saw his uncle, trying to end an conversation with some man. He was loud, with spiky white hair and skin paler than even Uncle Bréanainn. While the man had a noticeable German accent, he spoke in English. Also, was that a yellow bird flying around man's head?

Matthew smiles. He remembers Prussia. _He liked pancakes and did not mix me up with America, so he is alright with me_ , he thinks.

Prussia still focuses on telling Ireland a whole lot of things. From what Canada could hear, Prussia just cleaned up some employment records. He wants a chance to train the police, _Garda_ , Matthew thinks. Ireland looks nervous.

"I'm sure that you have many interesting ideas, Mister Beilschmidt, but I must go. My nephew has just arrived."

"That's awesome, _Herr Irland_ , I've wanted to talk to Matthew for weeks now. We can discuss my plans later."

"What kind of plans?"

"So I was thinking of dating you, but before we doing the dating thing, you should meet my friends. OK, maybe friends aren't the word. Not sure. But I want to take you out with them."

With that, Ireland hands over a box to Matthew. He opens it, and sees red and white tartan with some black stripes.

"Oh, a kilt. Nova Scotia wears one of these. But I didn't think that Irish people wore kilts."

"The package is from your Uncle Alistair as well. He loves you, but he was not going to pay shipping costs to Canada. Cheers." Ireland then walks out.

Gilbert faces Matthew. "So do you like rivers? I like the _Donau_ , but the Liffey sounds nice. We could all meet up at the Samuel Beckett Bridge. I am free most days."

"Would in a week be enough to get everyone coordinated?" Matthew cannot remember the last time that anyone outside of his family invited him to an informal event. He did go to an Easter egg hunt with Ukraine a while back. Russia was there, too. It ended when they got into an argument over hockey records. _Not my proudest moment_ , he thinks.

"That should be enough time. Now, I have some tour to get on. They said that they are leaving on 4 pm. I figure that I will arrive at 3. Goodbye, Matthew." Gilbert waves happily.

Matthew says, "Take care, Gilbert." Matthew turns over the package and the not-a-date offer from Gilbert. He doesn't want to keep searching for an occasion to wear the kilt. No harm in combining both right. _Maybe I will try it the way Uncle Alistair always insists on wearing it. I don't know if anyone will have a chance to see if I am not wearing any underpants. I will see if it is too windy next week._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a character from historical region. She is Bretagne in French, Breizh in Breton, and Brittany in English.
> 
> Nova Scotia is from Sheri Lai's 13 Canadian Provinces and Territories.
> 
> I listened to a drama CD about Prussia's "Awesome Me Blog/Oresama no Blog." He tried to invite Italy to a date on the Donau/Danube. I thought it was cute.


	3. Some Boys Are Late Developers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz goes to a high-end sex shop, and learns how to wear a harness with a strap-on. Backstory on the beginnings of her relationship with Gilbert and Roderich, and something about the Cold War.

Liz passes some teenagers giggling at flavored condoms. She looks at the vibrators and imagined China yelling about how he can make them cheaper, and based on Taoist principles. She smiles at the thought.

She knows that Budapest had at least one sex shop where a woman wouldn't look out of place. She likes the selection. She can buy gay porn DVDs, old erotic books, or various toys.

She looks at the dildo display and is pleased. They are different colors, sizes, and designs. She smiles, remembering her childhood belief that she would grow a penis. _I was wrong, but I could buy a penis_ , she thinks and giggles. 

She looks next to the dildos, and sees flat leather items that look like a cross between belts and saddles.

After a helpful clerk explained what a harness was, she goes into the dressing room to try it on. She likes the dark brown leather harness and then considers her appendage. She is not sure when she was going to see either of her guys. She is not sure if they wanted to be intimate. _And people think that being friends with men means no turmoil_. She smiles fondly about them, though, and leaves the dressing room.

Liz goes back to the mantle of dildos. Gilbert liked them as big as possible. She does not remember if he had preferences before the Wall separated him from his family. She had heard rumors of Russia and Gilbert, and rumors of Ivan's size and appetite. Other nations would whisper, "Why do you think he has the Baltics around all the time?"

Then again, she did not want to discuss that part of his history. That would lead to her talking about her history with Ivan. She hoped that it was innocent as hers: some crying, some vodka, mostly cuddling, and Ivan making up a story for her curfew. She expected him to make demands, to tell her to get undressed and do her bit for her nation. She remembered that he shook his head.

"I know what people say about me, but I cannot be in bed with someone who is not interested." She tried to go inside, but he was not finished. "The aristocrat and the thug still have your heart. I do not understand it." Ivan said that in the dingy door way.

"We three have done a lot together." She remembered that she closed the door and tried to not think too hard about it. 

She drifts back into consciousness. Are dildos going to make her nostalgic? At any rate, she knows that Roderich preferred leaner models. She decides on a long, curvy, and purple model with a flared base. She pays for her purchases, and smiles at the clerk. 

She gets home to her modest apartment, and then into her bedroom. She takes off her skirt but leaves her blouse and underwear on. She recites the steps the clerk gave her and puts on her harness, then the toy. She pats her new toy attached firmly to her groin and hips. She sees her phone light up on her bed, and recognizes Gilbert's number. _Can you get to Ireland in a few days?_

_What's there?_ , she types back.

_Someone that I hope that you and Roddy like. His name is Matthew._

_I thought that we said no humans, Gil._

_Canada, Matthew = Canada. You know him Liz?_

_I think I met him a few times. Purple eyes, blonde hair, helped a lot in 56_. She hated that year, but remembers fondly people who tried to help her fleeing people. 

_So you will go_ , Gil replies. He may or may not have forgotten the question mark.

_My bosses wants me to take a trip. I think that they don't want me to ask why a nation of refugees is building a fucking wall to keep refugees out. One question: girl or boy?_ She types some more. _I bought something that I might want to wear as a boy_

_You know that I am unawesome at predicting how people will react_. _If it isn't a battle, I don't know what will happen._

She sees the 'typing' indicator.

_He may be cute but if he can't deal with you as a boy he can go to hell_

Liz laughs at Gilbert's response. _You may have no faith in your ability to read people, but you are good at support._

_You think that I would admit at being unawesome at something with someone I did not support?_

Liz types a reply. _Let me know what Roderich says. Take care. See you in Dublin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I should give credit to myawolfeh, who wrote some smutty stories. The idea for rumors surrounding Russia's sexual escapades came from that.
> 
> From http://news.gc.ca/web/article-en.do?m=/index&nid=549959: "With the support of its population, Canada admitted, as immigrants, more than 37,500 Hungarian refugees during the 1956 Soviet invasion of Hungary – the largest group any country received in proportion to its population. Never before had Canada ensured the selection, transport, and establishment of so many refugees in such a short period of time."
> 
> An article on sex shops in Budapest: http://hvg.hu/english/20070207_sex_shops_budapest
> 
> I may have put words into Hungary's mouth about asylum seekers on the border. https://www.hrw.org/news/2016/09/20/hungary-failing-protect-vulnerable-refugees


	4. Thrift and Restraint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Austria likes going to used clothing stores. He is not sure how he feels about sudden dates.

Roderich finds it harder and harder to find the clothing that he feels most comfortable in. It is all old t-shirts and faded jeans, even in Vienna. How very boring. He knows that time must pass, but why must the present be dull?

Austria speaks into his phone. _I found a beautiful velvet coat. Just my luck_.

Prussia texted to Austria, _"But shit it was ninety-nine cents"_.

Austria sighs, and speaks his mind. _I will kill you slowly, Preußen_. He startles a patron, but Austria does not acknowledge him.

He glances at his screen. _I love you too Österreich_ How can a seven-hundred-year-old historical state type that fast? If it weren't for Liechtenstein showing him the speech-to-text feature, he would never have these conversations with Prussia. He is not sure if that is a good or bad thing. 

Prussia sends another message. _We might have a velvet coat around the house. West asked me to clean the attic. I can give it to you for free_.

_I wouldn't be surprised if _Preußen_ has a sideline on an auction site._ He almost considers walking out the store and holding out for that coat. It would not matter whose coat it was--he knows good tailors.

Roderich sees another message from Prussia. _I won't be able to get it to you in time for the date._

Roderich puts his phone away in his tote bag. He panics. _What date? With whom? Maybe Elizabeta planned something. I wished that they talked about it with me. We are still on speaking terms, right? I am no longer her husband, Gilbert is no longer a nation, but we are still together. Right?_

He pays for the coat, and leaves the charity shop. He goes outside and dials Gilbert. "What's this about a date? Elizabeta never told me anything about a date."

"Well, I just texted her. Anyway, it is in a few days. You get to go to Dublin."

"Why in God's name would Ireland agree to this? He may be the Celtic Tiger, or was, I don't know, but he is even more Catholic than I am."

"It's not Ireland. It--it isn't actually a date. I just wanted _Vogelchen_ to meet you. Wait, sorry, I meant Matthew."

"Is he some human?"

"No, Specs, he's Canada. Geez, you are not that old are you?"

Roderich sighs. "My memory is still good, _Preußen_. I know that we are both nations that share a common language with a neighbor who gets all the attention, good and bad. I know that his soldiers scared Germany's troops in World War I. I met him a few times, I think. If I hadn't seen Canada's troops leading attacks through Austrian lines, I would never believe it was the same nation."

"Ah, so you will have plenty to talk about."

"Just to make sure, though. It is not a date, but we are meeting Canada. You, I, and Elizabeta are actually meeting someone."

"On the Samuel Beckett Bridge. I'll pick you up. I don't want to hear about an Austrian man in 18th century clothing wandering around Caragh."

Roderich rubs his face, but Gilbert hangs up before he could say something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a line in Liechtenstein's Marukaite Chikyuu about leaving matters of high technology up to her. I kinda went off on this headcanon that she does "family tech support" for the Germanics.
> 
> _"Celtic Tiger" (Irish: An Tíogar Ceilteach) is a term referring to the economy of the Republic of Ireland from the mid-1990s to the mid-2000s, a period of rapid real economic growth fuelled by foreign direct investment, and a subsequent property bubble which rendered the real economy uncompetitive."_ from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celtic_Tiger 
> 
> My headcanon is that the NP of Ireland changed in some ways from how he was in the 1920s to the 1990s. He is used to it. As an independent republic, he changed from when he was part of the United Kingdom, from when he was the Kingdom of Ireland, and from when he was an overkingdom (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Irish_kingdoms). However, I imagine that his religious views stayed consistent even with his increased wealth and status. This is not to say that he agrees with the Catholic Church on all things, but that is a story for another day. 
> 
> Relevant quotation from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_history_of_Canada_during_World_War_I: _As British Prime Minister Lloyd George wrote, "The Canadians played a part of such distinction that thenceforward they were marked out as shock troops; for the remainder of the war they were brought along to head the assault in one great battle after another. Whenever the Germans found the Canadian Corps coming into the line they prepared for the worst."_
> 
> Caragh is a town along the River Liffey.


	5. In Between: Fatherly Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> England and France get wind of Canada planning to meet Prussia and his friends. They decide to tell Matthew just what kind of friends they are.

Matthew never had a conference call with either Francis or Arthur. So, that was strange. They did not ask him how he likes Dublin or anything about Uncle Brendan (as Dad calls him). Instead, they ask about that odd guy Gilbert, and wanting to introduce Matthew to his friends. Apparently, Papa and Gilbert are drinking buddies. Dad drank with Gilbert a few times, but they would argue over world wars.

"Do you know what polyamory is, Matthew? "

"Dating more than one person, with emphasis on open communication? The group may all be dating each other, or only one person, or some version of that."

Arthur made an approving noise. "That is a succinct way of putting it. "

"I thought that was the default for nations, with all those shifting alliances and multilateral agreements. "

"I admit it is true for _Angleterre_ and myself."

"So it is true that you dated Ireland and Scotland?"

Francis sighs. "It was . . ."

"And I swear you did that to needle me."

"You wound me. I pursue other people for reasons other than getting you angry. They were allies first, then I saw their interesting and charming selves."

"I guess. I thought the only thing keeping you from Wales was that he was the only brother who considered how I felt sometimes."

"No, no, he will never let me forget Fishguard. He wore a red tunic and a tall black hat to a costume party once. If that wasn't enough, then his dragon Glenys tried to bite me. At least, he says it was his dragon. I am beginning to wonder if imaginary friends run in the family."

Matthew wonders if his fathers are arguing (again) and forgetting that he was around (again). 

"Papa? Dad?"

"Oh sorry, Matthew. You know that Austria and Hungary were married once. Well, they are divorced in the eyes of their countries. They sometimes honor that, and sometimes do not."

"Oh, yes," Arthur said. "Um, and well, Prussia had that kind of relationship with Austria and Hungary for a long time. Now, I am not sure if it is on, or just friendly exes."

"They are close friends. Most of the time, of the share-each-other-secrets-kind. Sometimes, of the throw-them-down-on-the-bed-and-make-them-scream sort. Sometimes just two. Sometimes all three."

"All the time? Didn't they fight? That War of Austrian Succession that you have all those stories about was one of them, right?" 

"That does not stop them. Some feel ardor at pain and fighting." France sounds like he was about to get philosophical about love and war.

England coughs and cuts off that train of thought. "Let me sum it up. Austria is a pain fiend, Prussia likes to hurt people, and Hungary likes to watch."

"Not always. Sometimes she joins in," France adds.

"And Matthew, we weren't sure if you would be able to handle it. For all their little games, they do not always talk about them with outsiders. And you are an outsider."

"Oh yes, and one of them did invite some humans to run a train on . . ."

"Okay, Francis, I think that we gave him enough information. I, well, we, know that you are a grown nation. But you are young. You may not be privy to the ways that older nations get through their days."

Matthew for his part is glad that he was talking to them on the phone. Because they cannot see him blushing over the image of the three "very close friends" tied up and waiting for curious humans. They wouldn't need to know about him wondering about what kind of sharp objects to use on them. Or perhaps blunt?

_Or I could stick to the softer parts? Would I be in the middle or would I take them one at a time? I mean, if I like them. I think I see them at trade agreements. Hungary is the lady with the flower in her hair, and Austria plays piano. I guess I will have to get to know them better._

He decides to hold off on that train of thought. He is now less afraid of impressing them. He is less afraid that they will ignore him. He wants to make sure that they trust him. He wants them to like him. However, he wants to see if he trusts them as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story of Fishguard is at http://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofWales/The-Last-Invasion-of-Britain/. TLDR: French troops surrendered to Welsh women in traditional dress.


	6. In Between: Test Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roderich and Liz talk and try things out.

Liz and Roderich walked down to Abel's apartment somewhere in Amsterdam. Abel was in the Hague, sitting in on a Parliament session. While Liz imagines the difficulties of the seat of government and your capital being different places, he did let them use his place. He asked for little but watering plants, forwarding mail from his siblings, and cleaning up after having take-out. Abel ordered them to stay away from the kitchen. Since their respective governments are arguing over borders and refugees, they are not paying for any "fraternization". 

The two adapted in their own ways. The peace treaty specified a certain portion of land for Hungary only, even if Liz still loved her ex-husband. It was an open secret for those who knew about national personifications that the two were still together after the divorce. They are not married anymore, but being very close friends is a way to maintain diplomatic relations. At least, they tell themselves that.

Despite that, their current relationship was not officially endorsed by the Austrian or Hungarian governments. Unofficially, if they pay their own way and do not make any fuss, the bureaucrats ignore their trysts. Some of those who know are willing to cut them some slack because they maintained relationships with other nations. Others just like seeing a divorced couple be so kind to each other.

Elizabeta and Roderich have not gotten around to informing their governments about their relationship with a historical state. It's not as if Prussia is going to invade vital regions anytime soon. They hope.

"We haven't gone in wars with Canada, have we?" Liz was pulling her luggage, packed for a quick trip to Dublin. 

"The Great War, and World War II. Maybe the Cold War, counter-terrorism campaigns, peace-keeping missions, and whatever else they are calling war these days. He has been more a neutral observer than his brother would have liked. " Out of all them, Austria was the source for remembering who the others had fought. He also remembered who they made peace with.

"So, past wars would not be a barrier with him. I believe that we have immigrants to his country, and have treaties with him."

Hungary and Austria stop talking for a few minutes. "We've been having the same conversation since the 1920s, " Hungary says.

Austria sighs. "Yes, we have. Maybe Prussia is right. We will keep on discussing it until the 2020s."

"This is the first time in history either of us have agreed completely with something Prussia has said. We better keep it between ourselves." Hungary breaks out in giggles.

Austria turns on the light and picks up a notepad. "Some people are right out, considering past events."

"No on Russia for me and Gilbert. I'm still mad at Romania. I still do not trust Turkey. Mexico is still mad over Maximilian I of Mexico. They have been getting better since 1974. Poland and Lithuania are only to be friends with me, and will not be in the same room as you two for, and I quote, all the paluszkis in the world and Warsaw being Austria's capital. Ukraine is on edge about anything involving borders, though she likes me well enough. Spain aND Prussia get along, but it would be too weird for us."

"Ivan also will not tell his people to stop spying on me."

"I don't think that he told any of his people to do anything since 1905. When he passed out, I would hear him mumbling something about not wanting children who can't play nice and crying." Liz opens a pouch in her luggage, and takes out the harness and dildo. 

Roderich glances at the items in Liz's lap. "That is a very violet, um, appendage." Still, he takes the dildo, and slides his long fingers against the shaft and base.

"Are you disappointed? I did try to get something that you or Gil will like."

"It looks safe, however. It will not get lost, and it is not too large or small. I can live with the color."

"I am glad." She kisses Roderich, and slides the dildo into the harness. She steps into the leg straps of the harness and pulls it up over her pants. When she is satisfied that the "violet appendage" has not shrunk, she holds it low on her pelvis. She tightens the waist straps. She holds onto the leg straps and kisses Roderich again. 

"Are you going to wear that with your pants on? That seems to, ah, defeat the purpose." He gives her a rare grin at that thought.

"It's experimenting. I took it in case any of us were in the mood. Besides, I am new to this, and diligent practice is necessary for all sorts of art." She tightens the leg straps, and stands for a while. She wiggles her hips and watches to see if anything needs adjustment."

Trying not to be jabbed, Austria wraps his arms around Hungary and kisses her softly. "If you feel confident about trying it out on me before we leave for Dublin, I am sure that Abel keeps enough lubrication around his place."

Hungary feels shy, and plays with Austria's earlobe. "Will the Netherlands object?"

"Abel may want us to change the sheets, but that was how Spain and I raised him. Besides, Amsterdam have plenty of stores where we can restock before he returns." Hungary giggles, and runs her hand from his ear to his hip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abel is the Netherlands. I kinda like that fanon name, though I am not sure what his surname would be.
> 
> I often wondered how national personifications deal with 'divorcing' from another nation. It could be from the nation in the partnership (Hungary/Austria) or from outside forces (Lithuania/Poland). I had a headcanon that the personifications would sign conditions of their divorces. It is based on the idea of a _get_. I have not worked out what they would be expected to do. I imagine that they cannot favor the ex-partner in treaties, they cannot be together in public if their governments disagree on something, that they would both not try to influence political decisions in the other country, stuff like that.
> 
> Also, about the Amsterdam vs. The Hague as 'capital of the Netherlands' thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_of_the_Netherlands
> 
> The 'they' is a shout-out to Latin Hetalia and their Mexicos. North and South, to be exact. 1974 is a reference to Mexico and Hungary re-establishing diplomatic relations. From https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_relations_of_Hungary
> 
> "[Hungary and Ukraine] shares 103 km of common border" from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_relations_of_Hungary
> 
> I included a scanlation of the Bloody Sunday comic for my own reference: http://hetalia.livejournal.com/1045.html
> 
> Oddly enough, I did not know how to put on a harness. I figured that I should look it up. http://friskybusinessboutique.com/harness-know-how/
> 
> I watched the episode where they tell the backstory of Netherlands and Belgium. Apparently, he keeps his kitchen clean and does not like other people using it.


	7. In Between: The Phone Conversation Between The Great Prussia, Vögelchen, and Those Other Nations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A subjective account of a pre-meeting phone conference

Today, I was awesome. I didn't want Specs to get lost in some Irish town (he wouldn't learn from it anyway), so I scheduled a call with him and Elizabeta while they were still in Amsterdam. My timing was awesome as expected, because I was able to patch in Vögelchen (what I call Matty, but don't tell him that, diary). Roddy seemed to be in a better mood than I expected. He didn't call me a swine, or did anything but sigh when I called him princess. I bet that he got laid. Oh well, I will have more fun alone imagining it than they ever will, so ha!

I would call Roddy more names for that, but I didn't feel like it. In fact, why don't I just admit that I like him? He is fussy, free-loading, stingy, lady-smelling, backseat-driving ass. But he has a nice ass. Great lips and mouth when he isn't insulting me. His soft and girly hands feel good when he touches me. His cheeks are really stretchy and that mole is cute.

I like him for reasons other than physical. He kept in touch with me when I was East Germany. Lizzy likes him still, and she is as tough as me. Maybe even more. She's not even married to him, so if she is still around him, she means it.

He is no coward when it comes to certain things. For one, his bosses were worried that they would violate their neutrality if he kept in touch with me and Lizzy. He still did. He did not lie to them, just made clear that he was not representing the nation. That he was just Roderich. He isn't bitter at me or anyone for the world wars. He is nice to Germany. 

He never calls me an "ex-nation". I asked him about it, and he says that I am a historical nation. That people still talk about my values, my military, and my educational system. Not always nice things, but I don't care. He is not an empire anymore, but he is more concerned about living in the present as a nation. I mean, as much as a guy who thinks that not wearing a frock coat is the same as lounging around the house naked can live in the present.

I like that he gets to places when he says he will. He even comes in early. I like when he serves me coffee and pastries. I am not much for fancy or sugary stuff, but he likes to make them. So, I eat one. I like when he plays piano (but Beethoven is German, dammit) and he tells me that he wishes that I played my flute more often. 

I am getting sentimental. I don't like this. Maybe Matty has that effect on me. I should add that Roddy makes fun squeaky noises when I smack him. 

I had to turn up the volume a few times. Matty's voice was so soft. I think that he lets me do the talking. He stammers sometimes. He asks us if we had food preferences. I didn't want anything too fancy, Roddy didn't want English food, and Liz wanted a place quiet enough to talk. Matty suggested some places. We talked if we needed to get places to sleep. How long we would want to hang out. If we are expected to come home and when. We may have discussed other things, but I forgot. I kept on thinking how soft his hair looked. Roddy never lets me pet his hair, that fussy bastard. I miss touching Liz's hair. I yelled at them to repeat what they said because I wanted to verify it. I am not messing up plans because I was thinking about hair.

We have a time, and a place. We may hang out for three days before we go back home. It might work out, and it might not. I hope that they like him, and he likes them. I hope that they still like me, and that he still likes me. He is cute, warm, and I still want to pet his hair. Maybe the old man can put in a good word for me? That is, if anyone would listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Prussia started as a branch of the Teutonic Knights, and I wondered if his religious views changed over time. Of course, as the duchy, he followed Protestantism. I think that he still believes in an afterlife, and that personalities like Frederick the Great can survive death. He is not sure about who is running things, or even if anyone is in charge, though.


	8. Help, I'm Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew waits for his ride and listens to music

Matthew listens to music as Kumajirou pulls out a suitcase. _They're gonna eat me alive. I am not going to think about one way that they could eat me. Or how I would tremble at that_. As the bear pulls the clothing from his luggage, the nation's fingers tap along to "beating like a hammer" bridge.

After the song is over, he looks over a kilt, a dress shirt, some bowties, black socks, and a black jacket. Matthew decides that he will need some help, and dials Nova Scotia. They talk for a while, and Matthew puts his phone on speaker. A man with a lilting Islander accent starts to speak. "You got the top of the garment at your waist?"

"Yes, Joel. It is wrapped, with the pleats at the back. The aprons, or edges, or whatever, are overlapping in the front."

"And make sure it bisects the knees. It should hang just right between the top and bottom of the knee."

Canada decided to ask Nova Scotia for guidance in wearing his late Canada Day present. He considered asking Scotland, but Joel would tease him less than Alistair. 

"I am taking my right arm and wrapping it around my waist. That small hole in the lining is normal, right?"

"Yeah, that's where the strap goes. Please don't tell me that you are going the 'no underwear' route?"

"What?"

"Look, I grew up with Alistair along with Arthur. He is used to fighting in a kilt, and he is rather stubborn about these matters. I mean, if you're dancing, you don't want to scare the children, now do you?"

"Oh? Oh! I am not going dancing."

"I am not going to ask too many details, but you are at least going to be careful at the urinals?"

"Yes, Nova Scotia, I am toilet-trained." Matthew knows that Joel can tell when he is being sarcastic, but he doesn't care. Maybe because Joel is one of the few people who knows that Matthew is capable of sarcasm. 

"He should have given you a sporran. That will at least keep you from getting arrested while sitting."

"He did. It is a nice one, sealskin with silver buckles. Oh, and Brendan gave me a kilt pin in the shape of a harp."

"That is good. The sporran will keep you covered while sitting. The kilt pin will hold the pleats down if it's too windy."

"It's July in Dublin. It might not be windy."

"Well, with the whole climate change thing, I wouldn't be too sure." Rising sea levels and other issues have been on Joel's mind, Matthew knows. 

Joel snaps back to the matter at hand. "Anyway, now you start on fastening the kilt. You might find a leather strap on the right apron. Have you checked?"

"Yes, it's there"

"That's the under apron." 

"Got it," Matthew confirms. He pulls the strap to the outside.

Joel speaks up. "Can you get your thumbs into the waistband?"

Matthew puts both his thumbs into the waistband. "Yes, it's just enough space to get them, but not too much that I think it will fall down."

"Nice one. What's the occasion, anyway?"

"I may or may not be going on a date."

"Netherlands? I didn't think that he would go for Scottish wear."

"No, Abel is busy with the European Union."

"Katya?"

"Ukraine is too busy dealing with her brother."

"Carlos?"

"He has talked about it. Nothing definite."

"So, who?"

"Gilbert. He is, was, I dunno, Prussia."

"A historical state. Cornwall will be amused." Matthew knows that Joel considers Eseld a distant cousin. 

"Dad and Papa told me that he is dating Austria and Hungary." 

"That is a little beyond me. I tend to stick to Marie."

"I am not asking your advice on relationships. I am asking your advice on kilts."

"Don't be so short. I don't care how you manage your love life as long as it doesn't hurt the provinces. I can give plenty of advice on kilts, don't worry about that."

"Sorry about that."

"Nah, it's not a big deal. Let's get back to the kilt. You got some more aprons to buckle anyway."

Canada fastens the straps to the buckle to the outer edge of the left waist. He then fastens the left apron strap to the buckles on the right.

"Where's the fringed edge?"

"Is it supposed to be to my right side?"

"Yeah, and it's centered on the body, right? Looks like an A-shape?"

"Yes and yes."

"What are you wearing with it?"

"I know that you can wear any shirt with it, at least, you do. But I figure that I won't go wrong with a white dress shirt, black blazer, and black socks. I haven't decided on if I want a bowtie or not."

"Not a date or actual date, you do want to look presentable. I assume that if you are going the, um, traditional route, you should hope it goes well. Or at least that you don't show anything if no one is interested. "

Matthew touches his blushing cheeks and tries to change the subject. "You attach the sporran to the loops at the back, right?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Since I can't see you, I won't be able to help with the kilt pin."

"Don't worry about it. Kajagoogoo already measured where I put the kilt pin."

"How didja get that bear past the hotel?"

"They must think that he is a stuffed bear. Kimoguro is keeping out of trouble anyway, teaching himself Irish by listening to MP3s ." Matthew looks over at Kumajirou, a small polar bear listening to an MP3 player. "Say hi to Joel, Kinugero."

Kumajirou takes off the earbuds. "Who?"

"It's Nova Scotia, Kumajirou. You saw me two weeks ago at my cookout."

Matthew shakes his head. "That's rude, Kumabacha."

Kumajirou looks at his paused player and then points at Matthew. _"Cén t-ainm atá ort?"_

" _Is mise Cheanada_. The guy paying for your hotel room."

Kumajirou hands Matthew a red bow tie and puts the earbuds back in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am quoting at different points this song: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/metric/helpimalive.html . The appropriateness is helped by the band being from Toronto.
> 
> I got the instructions on wearing a kilt here: http://www.wikihow.com/Wear-a-Kilt. I took some liberties on the instructions. I am not sure that a 'not-a-date' was completely an informal event. Also, most bars will kick you out for carrying a weapon in your socks.
> 
> Nova Scotia/Joel MacKenzie is the helpful man on his phone. Marie McCain/New Brunswick is the woman that he is dating or close friends with. They come from Sheri Lan's the History of Canada. 
> 
> In my reading about kilts, apparently, modern wearers have trouble keeping certain stains from their outfits. 
> 
> More on Nova Scotia and climate change: https://climatechange.novascotia.ca/facts-on-climate-change
> 
> I used Katya/Yekaterina Chernenko for Ukraine's human name, Abel for the Netherlands, and Carlos for Cuba. 
> 
> I referenced Cornwall, a once-nation that is now a region of Britain. Her human name is Eseld.
> 
> I got some of the Irish from these sites: http://irelandmonumentvancouver.com/an-ghaeilge-i-gceanada-the-irish-language-in-canada/ and http://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/irish.php . Any mistakes are mine.


End file.
